


your heart (and the sun and stars above)

by yawawoo



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Doctor/Patient, Joohyuk are brothers, Kiheon that just sort of happened, M/M, doctor hyungwon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 07:06:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15091634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yawawoo/pseuds/yawawoo
Summary: He was only human, so small and powerless, and things could go wrong so easily; a tremor of his hand, an unexpected complication, a machine error; Hyungwon had been trusted with saving a lot of lives, people dear to their families and friends, but today it was Minhyuk whose body he had to cut open and fix.Today, it was going to be Minhyuk’s life in his hands.





	your heart (and the sun and stars above)

**Author's Note:**

> Props to [averyblue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/averyblue/pseuds/averyblue) for beta'ing and helping me with the medical stuff ♥ 
> 
> Written for the Doctor/Patient square of the HyungHyuk bingo.

 

 

Hyungwon didn’t know that he would wake up feeling nothing that morning.

It had been _so_ long since the last time he woke up in his own bed, on a high-quality, queen-sized mattress that smelled like soft fabric softener instead of on a worn-out sofa with coffee stains, its thinning cushion providing minimum comfort, but Hyungwon had gotten used to it, or perhaps it was his body adapting to the exhaustion and the long hours of sleep deprivation at the hospital. He’d come to live in his office and the staff break room, falling into fistful two-hour sleep with the familiar smell of antiseptic embedded in each of the couch’s fibers lulling him to sleep. It’s been so long since the last time Hyungwon fell asleep in actual pajamas instead of his day-old scrubs and work clothes, under soft and warm cotton covers instead of the impromptu layers of his coat and Hoseok’s throw blanket. His nametag wasn’t digging into his ribs, his glasses weren’t lost in the couch cushions, and there was no white, fluorescent light blinding him as soon as he opened his eyes.

It had been so, so long since Hyungwon went home to get proper sleep. And it had been so long since he woke up peacefully, without shadows and whispers from his dreams lingering in his head as he woke. Hyungwon didn’t dream, and his body felt light and rested, but it wasn’t long until the gears in his head started working again and flooding his entire being with the urgency of what was to come today.

Hyungwon remained in his position; he fell asleep on his back and woke up like that, too, as if his body’s default had been set to the rigid position from having slept on a narrow sofa for the last few months. He tracked the miniscule specks of dust in front of his eyes, illuminated by a strip of sunlight that escaped the gap of his curtains, warming a portion of his chest. He thought of the grains of sand on a beach and in the oceans, and the stars in the skies and the whole universe and he felt so small, so, so small and powerless in the dimness of his room and the emptiness of the wide space of his apartment that he never really needed.

A lot of effort had been put to make today possible, and yet, Hyungwon was starting to feel fear growing from the center of his chest and slowly spreading into his whole being. He was only human, so small and powerless, and things could go wrong so easily; a tremor of his hand, an unexpected complication, a machine error; Hyungwon had been trusted with saving a lot of lives, people dear to their families and friends, but today it was Minhyuk whose body he had to cut open and fix.

Today, it was going to be Minhyuk’s life in his hands.

Minhyuk, the beautiful, bright Minhyuk. So _dear_ to Hyungwon, so, very and utterly loved by him; his sun, his warmth on a bad, rainy day, his lover, his home, his  _everything._ Perhaps Hyungwon still hadn’t been able to fully grasp and understand what was to come, or maybe he had been trapped in a whirlwind of emotions he hadn’t even sorted out yet for so long to identify and know what they were, and it left him with a sort of loaded emptiness.

Hyungwon swallowed the growing lump in his throat, felt his heart picking up its pace and he put his palm on his left chest to feel it—the strong beat of the chest muscle, quick, almost like a pair of feet running away from fear licking at their heels. Hyungwon closed his eyes, and the tears he didn’t know have pooled there fell across his temples and into his ears, forming small, quickly-cooling puddles. He breathed out, and in, and he curled on his side and crossed his fingers tightly to keep them from trembling—to _pray._

When Hyungwon’s alarm went off, the strip of sunlight that snuck into his room had shifted, and it fell on his face, and his crossed fingers in front of it. It was warm, and nothing reminded him of Minhyuk more. It was warm, and gentle, and it was like Minhyuk was reaching out to him, and Hyungwon could picture in his head perfectly, the sweet smile, the loving rasp with which Minhyuk called his name.

Hyungwon got up.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Have you eaten?”

“I tried,” Hyungwon said, and a slight frown formed between Hoseok’s eyebrows.

Hoseok had dropped his clipboard on the white surface of the front desk as soon as he spotted Hyungwon stepping out from the elevator. Hyungwon was then immediately enveloped in a long, tight hug. Hyungwon had let his body melt into it and leaned his whole weight onto Hoseok, for once exploiting his sturdiness, his solid and comforting presence. Hyungwon buried his face into Hoseok's neck and tightened his hold around Hoseok, holding back tears. “There, there,” Hoseok had said, petting the back of his head.

As soon as they separated, Hoseok started his routine of fussing over him. Hyungwon let the familiarity wash over him, appreciating how the nurses greeted him like usual, offered him snacks like usual. He glanced at the wall clock near the dusty, bright red fire alarm; he arrived just a little more than an hour before the surgery, just like Hyunwoo told he should the day before as he sent him home early enough to guarantee enough sleep. Hyunwoo and Hoseok both checked on him to see if he’d arrived home, if he’d had dinner, if he was _okay_ and sure that he wanted to be alone.

“Is he awake?” Hyungwon asked, slipping his hands inside the pocket of his coat, thumbing the M-shaped pendant hanging from a simple white gold chain. He kept it in his fist until it warmed.

“Yeah. Jooheonnie’s with him,” Hoseok said and took a step back. Hyungwon gave him a smile and a thank you before turning to walk down a very familiar hallway and into an even more familiar room.

The space was lit with sunlight pouring from the big glass windows that overlooked the hospital’s east wing gardens, softened by the broken white lace curtains flowing in the wind from the open windows. Hyungwon’s eyes automatically fell on Minhyuk on the bed, a perfect, toothy smile already lighting up his face. It always sent a powerful wave of emotion into Hyungwon’s whole being; he could see, and feel, how much Minhyuk loved him from that smile alone. It showed in his eyes, his smile, his grabby hands, open for the world to see because he was proud and happy and content with loving Hyungwon. And what more did Hyungwon need in life if he had Minhyuk?

“Hi, Hyungwon-hyung,” Jooheon greeted with his own dimpled smile, getting up from the chair he’d pulled up beside the bed, and Hyungwon tried not to think about how he might be the one who erased it from his face.

“Hi, Mister Surgeon!” Minhyuk exclaimed, and it was so silly and too much and Hyungwon had to laugh, because he _loved_ Minhyuk. So much.

“Hey, Jooheon. Where are you going?”

“I’m starving. Gonna grab something from the cafeteria. I heard Kihyun cooked some mad stew and dumplings this morning.”

“Yeah. They’re good. Do I need to give you pocket money?”

Jooheon pouted and punched his arm lightly, and Hyungwon chuckled, weakly saying ‘that hurt’, “You’re not much older than I am. Plus, Kihyun always has something ready for me even when I haven’t said anything.”

“See, I told you he _likes_ you, Jooheon-ah!” Minhyuk quips, a playful grin and wiggling eyebrows accompanying his teasing.

“Ugh, whatever,” Jooheon rolled his eyes and Hyungwon moved to let him go through the door.

It was then silent but for the gentle rustling of leaves and the curtains. Hyungwon stood there, nearer to the door than to Minhyuk on the bed, and the black-haired man was looking at Hyungwon with a wistful smile.

“Where’s my greeting?” Minhyuk asked, sitting up a little straighter on the slightly raised bed, and Hyungwon approached him, sitting on the chair Jooheon recently vacated.

“Hello. Good morning,” Hyungwon said, looking right into Minhyuk’s dark orbs and again fascinated by his lashes. He takes Minhyuk’s hand in his, glancing down to see if the IV was properly put on.

Minhyuk pinched the thin skin on the back of Hyungwon’s hand, pouting. “Come here and kiss me.”

And Hyungwon did, surging up to sit on the bed and pressing Minhyuk down onto the mattress, smoothing his thumb down Minhyuk’s soft cheek. It was sweet and slow, and Hyungwon relaxed into it, and when they pulled apart, there was a glint in Minhyuk’s eyes.

They stayed like that for a long time, just breathing, foreheads touching, each of their hands on top of each other’s beating heart—Hyungwon’s strong and fearful, Minhyuk’s somewhat erratic, but his smile was calm, so calm and trusting and Hyungwon couldn’t help but cry again.

Minhyuk cooed and held Hyungwon’s hand on his chest as his other hand wiped the tears from Hyungwon’s cheeks, tracing the lines around Hyungwon’s mouth and eyes. Minhyuk then trailed his hand to trace the embroidery on Hyungwon’s white coat; _Chae Hyungwon, MD. Cardiothoracic Surgery_.

“My boyfriend is so cool,” Minhyuk said, and again, Hyungwon had to laugh, because it was Lee Minhyuk, silly, adorable, _beautiful_ Lee Minhyuk.

“I’m a crying and dripping thirty-five year-old adult, and you call me cool?” Hyungwon croaked, sniffing loudly to make an emphasis.

But Minhyuk just laughed like Hyungwon was the silly one. “You can drip snot all over me, drool all over me, and fart in front of my face and you’d still be the coolest, handsomest man,” Minhyuk said. “You’ll always be, Chae Hyungwon. And the best part is that you’re mine.”

Hyungwon’s tears came harder, and he choked on his words, because what was this he was hearing? “What are you talking about?”

“You’re so brave,” Minhyuk said, literally kissing his tears away. “You’re so brave and strong, Hyungwon-ah.”

“What are you talking about? I should be—I should be the one saying all of this to you!”

“I’m brave because you’re brave. Because I see how much you love me and that gives me the strength and bravery to face this,” Minhyuk says, and Hyungwon collapsed onto his chest, sobbing.

“I’m not—I’m _scared_ , Minhyuk. What am I gonna do if I lose you? What am I gonna do?”

“Shh, baby. You won’t. I’ll pull through. _We’ll_ pull through.”

After taking a moment to calm himself down, helped by Minhyuk's fingers slowly carding through his hair, Hyungwon sat up and wiped his eyes. His vision cleared, and in the sunlight filtering across the room he could see tiny specks of dust floating in the air between him and Minhyuk. And he thought of the grains of sand, of the stars in the skies, of how to find Minhyuk among them if today he was destined to be a small, powerless man.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Jooheon had told Hyungwon, long before they found out the reason behind Minhyuk’s swelling and fatigue, that he trusted his brother to him. Jooheon had looked at him in the eye, a fifteen-year-old Jooheon, in his freshman uniform with baby fat still in his cheeks, on a bench under their high school’s cherry blossom tree, and said, “I hope you’re ready to have Lee Minhyuk for the rest of your life, because from now on I’m gonna share him with you. I feel like I could trust you.”

It was still fascinating to think about, and at that time, nothing really crossed Hyungwon’s mind when he heard it. But now he could feel each individual word echoing in his head as he watched Jooheon whisper to Minhyuk as he was being rolled into the surgery room, their hands intertwined. Jooheon kissed Minhyuk’s forehead, smoothing his brother’s dark locks away from his already hooded eyes, and Jooheon worked up his best smile, although it was shaky.

In the short moment that it took to bring Minhyuk closer to the door of the surgery room, Hyungwon caught the younger man’s eyes, and he understood. Hyungwon could hear him, could feel the burden and the fear that threatened to swallow him up whole, but then there was a warm hand grabbing his index and middle fingers. Hyungwon looked down, and Minhyuk was looking at him sleepily, the anesthetics kicking in.

“I love you,” Minhyuk said with a smile, fighting back the heaviness settling over his eyelids.

“I love you, too. I won’t let you down,” Hyungwon said, squeezing Minhyuk’s hand, fighting back the urge to just envelop him in his arms.

“You never have, and never will, Hyungwon-ah.” Minhyuk said, eyes closing, and a smile was still on his lips.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Soon, Hyungwon was standing straight, letting Changkyun help dry his hands and put his gloves on. He looked into Hyunwoo’s solemn eyes on the other side of the table and nodded. He took a deep breath and took one last look at Minhyuk’s sleeping face.

He held out his hand, and with a resolute, determined voice, called out, “The time is 11:03 AM. I will begin the surgery. Scalpel, please.”

The sharp metal in his hand was a comforting, familiar weight. He could see dust floating under the surgical lights, like sand in the oceans and stars in the skies. And today he had to be selfish and ask the universe to allow him to be powerful, for he was fighting for more time with Minhyuk, for more time to let him shine, alive.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Seriously guys, this fic won't be here without Jamie helping me out with the details and answering every question I could have Googled myself so generously. She's like. The best med student ever. (TwT)b
> 
> Also, I finished this in like, two hours plus. I actually have THREE other drafts for this square, and I kinda liked all of them, but I'm stuck and sad whenever I open the files and so I decided to start another without overthinking and here it is. Sometimes you really just need to start and write!!! (and wake up early to watch dust particles float in the air because that's what I did and how I got the idea lmao)
> 
> Don't be too sad about the ending. You all get to decide, you know? :')
> 
> ALSO heheh can you mention the easter eggs in this fic wink wonk ;) 
> 
> Kudos and comments are very veryyyy much appreciated ♥


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